Book of Bulmash, chapter 149
- Behold the empty bed of the nine-year-old child! Look, and see the glee this absence hath bestowed in the heart of this boy's mother.
- The boy had ignored the radio alarm designed to wake him. He slumbered despite the family dog's whine to be let out for bodily relief.
- But the boy could not ignore the sound of his mother breathing,
- For she had crawled into her son's bed and laid her head directly next to his own, so as to weaponize the breath of life.
- As the air left her nostrils, it roared inside the semi-conscious boy's ear like the sound of a thousand vengeful bees pursuing their prey.
- Of course, the child turned his head away from the sound. But this solution was short-lived,
- For his mother simply began breathing heavily in the other, newly-exposed ear.
- The child squirmed and grunted in protest, but to no avail.
- At last the boy cried, "Begone, mother!
- "I am awake and shall rise from my bed anon! Only thou must remove thyself and allow me to exit!"
- "But my son," the mother responded, "thou hast plenty of room to exit, if thou climbest to the foot of thy bed.
- "There and only there doth an escape route wait for thee."
- Thereupon the mother resumed wielding her exhalation as a method of driving the child out of bed.
- The boy leapt out of his cozy nest, desperate to flee his mother.
- And once he retreated to the silence of the bathroom, the mother was wracked with a fit of giggles that buoyed her throughout the remaining morning routine.