Book of Bulmash, chapter 108
Chapter 108
- The lamp oil of midnight burned in the father's workspace, as he prepared materials for the following day's labor.
- Despite the late hour, he was not surprised to hear his nine-year-old son at the door.
- "Father," the boy said, "Father, I cannot sleep. Mine eyes will not close, nor will my body relax in yon bed.
- "I cannot lull myself to slumber. Deliver me from my restlessness, I beg of thee."
- The father went down to the kitchen to investigate, knowing his son's penchant for covert late-night snacking.
- And lo, within the food storage unit, sat the source of the child's anguish: an empty can which once held a beverage the child was forbidden to imbibe after the evening meal.
- The patriarch arched his eyebrow as he assessed the evidence.
- "Thou hast defied the Lord of Caffeine, he who laughs loud and long at man's need for rest," said the father.
- "If justice were served, thou wouldst not not escape thy self-inflicted insomnia. But I shall be merciful;
- "I give to thee half a sleep aid, and with this weapon shalt thou battle the Lord of Caffeine until he loses interest in thee at daybreak.
- And the father delivered the medication unto his son, then turned back to his work.
- And the boy trudged away to find the elusive path to sleep.
Book of Bulmash, chapter 95
Chapter 95
Photo credit: Library of Congress
- "O Mother!" cried the nine-year-old child. "I have great need of apparel which beareth the image of my school mascot!"
- "Therefore must thou complete the order form so I may bring it to school on this, the day of deadline."
- The mother half-pretended not to hear the boy's plea,
- For her ears were still ringing with his most recent morning tantrum.
- Then the mother replied to her son, "Thou seemest not to understand a fundamental principle of obtaining thy heart's desire;
- "Namely, that one must not enrage the person whom you beseech for a favor."
- And thus the mother closed her ears to the child's renewed howling.
- She delivered him unto the place of learning, as was her duty.
- But as she returned to their home to perform her ablutions before journeying to her place of employ, the mother reconsidered.
- For was this day not the eve of giving thanks?
- Should she not be grateful that her child had not enraged his teacher as well, and set the teacher's heart against him in the classroom?
- Indeed, should the mother not give praise to The One for the continued good health of her children and her husband?
- "I shall not acknowledge to my son that I have ordered his apparel," she grumbled to herself. "For that would send The Wrong Message regarding his behavior."
- Nevertheless the mother did swallow her pride, and wrote out the necessary cheque of payment to the school's PTA
Book of Bulmash, chapter 94
Chapter 94
- The mother pressed her clasped hands to her mouth in uncertainty.
- Was this The Day That Had Been Foretold, the one her youngest son's teachers had promised during his darkest days:
- "Those qualities that maketh him impossible now, they shall transform him into a leader of men and women when he hath grown up."
- Or, as was more likely, was this morn the Final Sign of the Apocalypse?
- For the eight-year-old had made only minor demands on his mother's patience as he readied himself for school.
- The child had broken fast with a reasonably nutritious meal, AS REQUESTED;
- The child had NOT pushed his mother to the brink of murder by raising an unholy noise before the crack of dawn;
- Verily, the child had been... quiet.
- Lastly, the child had initiated an amusing conversation with his elder brother and mother, concerning the creepiness of the holiday ditty "Santa Claus is Coming to Town."
- Were it not for the earliness of the hour, the mother would have poured herself a celebratory drink of unsurpassed alcoholic strength.
- Instead, she reminded herself that this sterling behavior would probably fade away with the morning mist.
- Yet when the child asked the mother to retrieve a book forgotten at home, she hastened to deliver the requested tome.