"Work of Art": Meh.

The dreaded catchphrase:"Your work of art... didn't work for us." Well, tonight's episode of "Work of Art" didn't work for me. "Make your own Pop Art." [eyeroll] "And if you win you get a spread in Entertainment Weekly." Please. The sooner it's over, the better.

Hallelujah. Two people out of the way by the end of the hour. Oh, and Mr. Warhol called. He wants his cans back.

The artists whose pieces worked on any level were -- surprise -- the ones who are already immersed in pop culture. Like MORGAN (I am not gonna use that stupid title he gives himself), who referenced Charlie Sheen with "The Winning Collection." See, there's the tiger blood right there.

No, he did not win. The performance artist I'll refer to as Oh Honey (because he reminds me of a friend who likes to attempt a Southern accent) actually knows something about the history and characteristics of Pop Art. Oh Honey's piece was perfect for a magazine spread: bright colors and uncluttered graphics to reference California's Proposition 8.

And the two who went home? One was kind of a tough call, the guy I'll call Triple Threat: gay, foreign-born, and deaf. Usually that'd be three kinds of interesting to keep him on the show for a little longer.

But his piece was just a mishmash of logos on an American flag. And his previous work seemed a little too controlled. The other contestant, let's call her Hippie Chick because that's how she says she grew up, clearly had only a passing familiarity with pop culture.

Which would be fine if her work said it in an interesting way. But I mainly blame the producers: I almost miss the days of the artists getting undercut with a sudden change in plan, this episode was that boring. Next week: executive producer Sarah Jessica Parker hosts the game show "Is Your Art Better Than A Fifth-Grader's?" Tell me if you're sticking around or planning on dumping the show, in the comments or on my friends page.

"Work of Art": Cringeworthy

Playing catch-up here on Bravo's "Work of Art" as the contestants reveal more of themselves, and make you wish they hadn't. This week the artists are supposed to create works about movement, inspired by a group of Parkour performers.

All stills courtesy Bravo

The team art projects are always good for a Clash of the Titanic Egos, especially when the team is obviously flailing. Even Inspector Clouseau has to call BS on both teams' uninspired ideas.

So they all start over. And things do improve somewhat; one team decides to go conceptual with "let's each do something that has a circular aspect to it." The other goes for works that express the uninhibited motion of the playground. Guess who wins.

And Scary Radical, who almost got booted on the first episode for an incoherent piece about race relations, comes out on top this time.

He made a simple yet hypnotizing video of himself spinning around and around, like kids do on the playground just for the fun of getting dizzy. Diametric opposite of Gutbucket's piece, a video loop about... innards.

Which was bad enough, but then she bawled in front of the judges -- twice -- as if apologizing for committing a massacre. I can't even think about it without cringing in sympathy. Which ones made you cringe, or cheer? Tell me in the comments or on Facebook.

Work of Art 2: The Players

At last month's gallery opening, gallery co-owner Tracy Fraker and I got to talking about Bravo's "Work of Art" (now back for a second season).

All stills courtesy Bravo

Tracy asked me if I'd want to be on that reality show, and I said Nooooo no no. (Reasonably) Sane people don't make good TV; crazy makes good TV. Speaking of... let's meet this season's contestants.
"The Sucklord" whose self-bestowed title cannot stand, and therefore we will call him by his real name, MORGAN...

Tortured (what you'd get if you crammed Tortured Miles and Body Issues Jaclyn from Season One into one person)... Le Hotness (he's French)...

and the girl who obsesses about her bowel issues, so we'll call her (and her art) Gutbucket. We'll give the others nicknames as they earn them. As in Season One, all the artists will be condescended to mentored by Inspector Clouseau and host/judge Switzerland (icy and allegedly neutral).

For their first challenge, the contestants had to make a decent piece of art out of kitsch.

A few obvious winners, and an obvious loser too.

If we hadn't seen Le Hotness painting his piece, I would've thought he'd snuck in a Keith Haring that he tried to pass off as his own. Au revoir, darling.

Are you watching "Work of Art"? Tell me what you think of the season so far, in the comments or on Facebook. If we can't laugh at the forced drama and the pretensions, it's just not the same...